The Year I Finally Say No
When I was separating from my college girlfriend, my dad gave me a book entitled When I Say No I Feel Guilty, and added the context that, "This helped me when I went through...." I thumbed through it, but I think the subject and form were beyond me at the time. I mean, the lesson was right there on the cover. I remember that book cover very well, and looked at it often as it sat unread on my bookshelf.
My reasoning was that, since the book's title was clearly negative, I assumed the author would spend 300-odd pages teaching me how to do the opposite. So maybe I could save time by just... not feeling guilty. Right?
Easier said than done.
I've spent a lot of my life feeling immense guilt when I say no to people. I hate letting people down, especially my friends or loved ones. It's actually been a major theme for me, something I have struggled with and worked on for years. Maybe I should have read the damn book.
My new belief is that saying 'no,' for the right reasons, is a very, very, good thing to do. It's an incredibly powerful word, and it can teach us a lot about ourselves. We feel 'no' before we ever utter the word, or type it out in an iMessage. For me, it sits behind my sternum. It's tight and uncomfortable, and despite the release being just two little letters away, it can still be difficult to save ourselves. When I finally realized that saying 'no' wasn’t selfish but actually an act of self-respect, everything began to shift.
With newfound determination this year, and waning anxiety about what other people think of me, here is a list of things I'm saying, 'no' to this year.
The NO List:
- Gluten
- Dairy
- Sugar
- Alcohol
- Sleeping in
- Sedentary lifestyle
- A messy house
- Extraneous plans
- Debt
- Health roblems
- Work that doesn't work for me
- Friends that don't show up for me
And finally, this year I am saying NO to feeling guilty for any of the above.
I’m reclaiming my energy, my time, and my peace of mind. Maybe more importantly, I'm reclaiming my health. Saying, 'no' to things that don't serve me can be uncomfortable in the short-term, but I know that it's setting me up for long-term success. This year, I'm saying, 'no' to get the life that I want.